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Geraldine's Story

My name is Geraldine, I’m 51 years old, with two sons.

In 2006 I underwent Analytical Hypnotherapy for a debilitating phobia i'd suffered since I was 3 years old. It was during these hypnotherapy sessions that I recovered the memories of childhood sexual abuse by two family members. I'd completely buried the abuse from my conscious memory and transferred it onto the phobia.

Recovering these memories was the biggest shock of my life, but it was also a massive relief because I finally had an explanation for my obsessive behaviours and the feelings of being different that i'd lived with all my life. It was like completing a jigsaw……i'd had all the pieces scattered about, but finally they'd all come together to form the picture.

After disclosing the abuse to my family, one by one they all abandoned me because they couldn't acknowledge the truth. This added to my feelings of despair, and I found it difficult to cope with the injustices i’d been dealt. It was during these dark days that I began to question what good could possibly come out of my realisations of the abuse.

Feeling deserted and alone, and through sheer desperation, I began searching the internet for answers to my many questions. It was there that I stumbled across a support group, and decided to join. For the first time in my life I felt a connection with people who seemed to understand me, and I knew I was not alone any more.

The next step of my healing journey was to seek therapy, and eventually I found a wonderful psychotherapist named Debra, from Derbyshire Rape Crisis. With Debra’s help and support, i’m beginning to make the connections with my past and the present. It is through this awareness, that I’m able to slowly change my learned behaviours and negative thought patterns.

One day I hope to find all the missing pieces to another jigsaw….my painful childhood, and to discover the real me…. the person I would have been if I hadn’t been sexually abused as a child.

My favourite saying is “something good always comes out of something bad”, and although I’ve had to question this many times during the past 2 years, I now believe that by setting up this website, which will hopefully help other survivors of childhood sexual abuse... something good really can come out of something bad.

Mena's Story

My name is Mena and I am a 40 yr old single mother of 3 children. I was sexually abused as a child.

I have spent many years searching for answers as to why I feel the way I do. One day after plucking up the courage to go to the police and report my abusers, I took the hardest step of my life and joined an online support group. This proved to be the most life changing experience imaginable.

The group kept me alive for the next 6 months, as my world crumbled and I couldn’t deny my abuse anymore. I had people online who cared about me and actually gave me reasons to live. Whilst I was giving various interviews and statements to the police I knew there were people online waiting for me to come back to and share my distress.

For the first time in my life I met someone who was like me and I began to understand my obsessive behaviours and started to realise how big a part the abuse had played in my life. It was at this time that I even realised that my self harming was because I was hurting so bad inside. I had always believed that I self harmed because I was mentally ill in some way, but after listening and talking to others who have suffered childhood sexual abuse, I could see that it was my way of coping with the immense pain I was feeling inside.

I am glad to say that my self harming is now almost extinct, although at times I still get the urges to revert back, but rather than give way to these urges, I use the support from the forums to help me express my pain in another way.

Some of you reading this may be struggling with all sorts of emotions and may feel that you are alone. Please if you can, I would urge you to reach out and take that first step in saying no to the silence. There are people who want to help and who are willing to stand beside you whilst you explore deep emotions and at the same time, help them to understand their own pain too.

Another source of help I turned to was therapy. I am currently receiving psychotherapy over the telephone with Devon Sexual Abuse Line. My therapist helps me break down the barriers of silence, so that eventually I am able to talk about my painful past and gain knowledge of my inner self.

A support forum just like this one saved my life once, and I am sure if you can take that same step that I took, they can help to save yours too.

We are not victims, we are survivors... and we are not just survivors we are innocent survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Alone we may not feel strong, but together we can move mountains.